Dear Potassium,
Your eyes. They make me smile.
I am also so incredibly glad that you are doing so much better today. :) :)
P.S.
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| **All rights belong to the Days of Wonder company, this is a picture of cards from their boardgame 'Ticket to Ride'.** |
Hugs and Heartfelt Thanks,
The Giver of Always
Dear Becca,
Becca's question was as follows:
Here's a question for Smiles, at what point do you give up on a guy and say "it's useless! he doesn't like me,or at least not enough to ask me out! where is me ice cream??"
And for you Elder Mighill, how can a girl tell when a guy is just leading her on with no plans to actually ask her out?
This is a ~very~ good question. Thank you for the asking. I appreciate having something solid to post about. :) I will let Smiles answer first, and then proceed with what I think. :)
Thank you for your question, Becca. I congratulate you on being the very first person to comment on Elder Mighill's blog. :)
Okay, I am in no way an expert on girl/guy relationships, but in my few years dating, I have learned a few things that have helped me when it comes to many aspects of relationships. Allow me to share a few thoughts as I answer Becca's question:
First of all, it is not wise to ever lead a young man on falsely. Believe me. If your intents are genuine, be genuine. If your motives are to simply flirt with all the attractive guys, don't expect any of them to give you any sort of commitment. If you are merely a flirtatious young woman, they probably won't think you are worth it. However, if you are truly seeking a relationship, let them know. I know that isn't the kind of thing girls want to hear. They normally want the guys to make the first move. Well, I hate to break it to you, but in today's world, that doesn't always happen. In the three [semi]-relationships that I have had, two of them, I had to make the move and say, “Yeah, hey, I like you”. And guess what, both times the guy actually liked me back! [In my current relationship, it was the guy who first brought up the point of possibly having a relationship - 'Cause he's just awesome and manly like that.] But anyway, do tell them. Most likely, they will already be in like with you, and it will make things so much less awkward, and so much happier for both of you if you openly express your feelings for him, and quickly, rather than waiting for him to start something. :)
Second, a word of advice to all of you girls, and, yeah, guys too; don't even think about getting into a relationship with someone unless you are sure that you are ready for that kind of commitment. Don't be naive and think that being someone's girlfriend is all sunshine and roses. It's not. It's different. It's hard. It's complicated, and can be awkward. But that doesn't mean it isn't wonderful. ;) However, Satan loves to wreak havoc in relationships. Pray about it. Counsel with the Lord. He cares. I'm serious. Talk to Him. Ask Him for any sort of advice. If your desires are righteous, He will guide you in Light. :)
Now, if you have told a young man that you like him, have showered him with much affection, and you're positive that you want to move on into a outright committed relationship, and he still isn't figuring things out . . . the first thing I would suggest is to pray for him. Maybe he's scared. Maybe he's hurting from a past relationship. Maybe he just needs some angelic assistance. Pray for him, and look for any inclinations in his behavior that shows that he likes you even a teeny bit. If you find any pure, happy indicators that say, “Yep, he likes me”, just keep moving on with patience, and don't give up on him. [I know that's probably hard to hear, but sometimes you can't do anything more than that. Patience does pay off. Don't give up on him if he's worth any of your time. Be his friend. If friendship is all he wants right now, take that. Don't toss him away just because you want something more. Remember that in marriage, couples should be each others' very best friends. Take that friendship if that's all he's giving you, and run with it. Be patient, and your desires will be granted. I promise. :) If, however, you see no indicators of him being interested in you, and/or if he's rude and impolite and ungentlemanly, and if you find him to be lacking in integrity, and, frankly, a jerk, then you can let go of him. Move on, and remember, there are other fish in the sea. :)
I hope that answers your question! :)
{s m i l e s}
Thank you Smiles. Your input is greatly appreciated. :)
Smiles and I seem to have come to many of the same conclusions. I agree with what she has said. I would definitely echo what she said about not leading people on, and direct it at you male readers as well. Be careful. Be honest about your intentions. Now! On to my answer. :)
{Dear guys that are reading this post, this advice is fairly universal. You may find that it applies quite well to a girl that you can't figure out as well.}
This is a hard question to give straight answer to. The main problem is that when this kind of thing happens, the guy often is interested, but simply doesn't bother to, or doesn't have the guts to, make a move or ask the girl out. Some hope that a relationship may start to develop without effort. Some are simply looking to flirt and have some fun while they aren't actually looking for a relationship. Very few of the guys in this situation realize that they are driving the girl crazy and leading her on. The ones that do it intentionally are very few and very far between, and are not worth your time.
I digress.
I think one indicator to look for is honest concern and attentiveness. If they are flirting with you, but not listening to you or making any real, honest conversation or effort, then you know that they aren't really invested. That either means they aren't truly interested, or aren't worth your time. {Who wants a significant other that doesn't really care about you?}
I realize, however, that there are also situations where the guy is showing interest and attentiveness, has been for a while, is still making no moves, and is still lacking in the date-asking field. This means one of two things.
The first possibility is that they aren't looking for a relationship but do care about you. You may be surprised to learn that this does happen to guys too. Don't believe everything hollywood tells you. A major tell for this is if they talk to you about other girls as they would a close friend.
The other possibility is what I said earlier. They may either be hoping that a relationship will just develop on its own, or just haven't gathered the nerve to get up and do something about it. Or both. If you are worried that this is the case, try showing more interest. Try being a little more bold with showing how you feel. You may think you are being obvious already, but guys are very good at missing and second-guessing these kinds of clues. Be careful though. If they aren't interested and you start showing more interest, it might turn into that awkward moment where they have to tell you that they aren't actually interested in you.
In any case! I have two pieces of advice to wrap up with.
One. Be honest. If you like someone, and they seem to like you, talk to them about it. Find an appropriate, tactful way to confront them about it and ask them how they actually feel. I know from first-hand experience that this is no easy task for most. But it's like a particularly bad band-aid. It's so much better to just get it over with and avoid all the agony and confusion of being led on.
Two. If you believe in prayer, pray about it. I can testify that Heavenly Father cares about you and your love life. If it's important to you, it really is important to Him. He cares. Ask Him about it. Ask Him to help you to see what's going on. To discern this guy's intentions. To help you confront him. Or you could just pour your heart out and tell Him all about your troubles. Sometimes it really helps to gain clarity on an issue as you simply pray about it and tell Someone that you can't lie to about your true feelings and what you feel about the situation. He will help you, though it may be hard to see the help. I promise you He will.
I really hope this helped Becca. I wish you the best with your inscrutable guy. I wish the best to all of you toiling away at finding joy and peace in life.
With Care,
Elder Mighill
Becca, thank you again for the question. Feel free to ask more. That goes for the rest of you readers too. I would love to hear from you. We will help as much as we can with any question you have, dating or otherwise. :)
God be with you all. Remember to smile. I'll talk to you later. :)
